dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
