Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
