I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
