he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
