life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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