Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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