I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
