I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
