In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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