the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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