I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
