nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
