My girlfriend figured out who you are.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
