Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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