I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
