yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
