Swine flu. Run for my life!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
