we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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