Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize