Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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