I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
