My liver just broke up with me...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
