plz talk dirty to me
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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