before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
