You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
