Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
