My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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