when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
