i just identified you from a description of your pipe
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
