Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
