Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
