Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize