Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
