Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
