i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
