He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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