there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
