theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize