I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize