I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
