I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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