i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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