Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
