My friends, they love my intelligence
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
