Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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