So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
