mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
