Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize