i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You can't special order awesome
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
