i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma