good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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