he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
