what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
