dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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