Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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