okay pat passed out under dana's car
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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