every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize