i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
