Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You ruined the universe
Randomize
