I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
did i walk over a car last night?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
