my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ladies don't puke and tell
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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