i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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