It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
